Hurt People, Hurt People: Battling the Cycle of Domestic Abuse

Over the past week, as it became increasingly clear that the primary debate remaining in our class was whether Family Planning or Rise would receive the minority portion of the grant money, I knew I would be conflicted over my decision. It’s unsurprising that this was the case for many members of the class, considering there is a common thread running through both organizations, even though they may appear significantly distinct from one another on the surface. Perhaps it was this shared link that caused me to sway back and forth in my choice, practically based on the last person who spoke. This was frustrating for me because I have possessed conviction in all the decisions I made in this class thus far, and I did not want to be ambiguous in regards to the most impactful one I would make. I felt like I was being forced to mark one of these nonprofits more deserving than the other, when I whole-heartedly believed in both their efforts. 

I couldn’t choose between services pertaining to reproductive health and domestic abuse when they each generate critical needs that are directly aligned with one another. While I observed the criteria we formulated, I didn’t want to base my choice on that because so many additional factors seemed relevant that were less quantifiable. Even though this decision would ultimately be made as a class, I needed to be confident in my personal selection. I struggled with myself due to both Family Planning and Rise addressing adjacent issues that were equivalent in their depth of value to me, but my preference became evident after reflecting on my core values. 

My perception of the world and everybody in it is consistently influenced by the idea of inheritance. As I stated in my first paper for this class, every person’s life is immeasurably determined by their heritage and the legacy that was passed down to them. A person’s background and environment are commonly credited as playing a major role in their development, identity, and future, but the true weight they have is far greater than we ever give merit to. And this weight is exponentially exacerbated when applied to people who experience adversity in childhood. Both organizations help people to overcome these adversities in order to positively shape their evolution as they grow up. 

The health care services provided by Family Planning do not solely benefit the direct recipient, but their entire family, especially when taking into account the extent to which preventative health care measures contribute long-term health security in households. Having the assurance of treatment for physical health can create a ripple effect by allowing families to prioritize other matters, which can improve mental and financial wellness. Lacking that protection and being left vulnerable to illnesses both superficial and fatal can do intense damage to a home and the children growing up there and it’s baffling to me that this protection is not a guarantee for so many. 

However, when I apply this model of thinking to domestic abuse, in my opinion the destruction presents as much more expansive, even if it is not necessarily as obvious. From my point of view, the snowball effect that results from domestic violence can be much more unpredictable and detrimental to the children living there. All the outcomes may not be tangible or easily understood, but that perhaps makes them more harmful. Growing up a witness to abuse, has been proven to affect children just as severely as experiencing the abuse themselves. Along with creating behavioral and emotional problems, family violence is additionally the most reliable predictor of a child being either a perpetrator of a victim of violence in their future relationships. This exhibits how conducive intimate partner violence is to spreading and the devastation will always expand beyond the direct victim, which is why I believe it can supersede other issues. 

I have such a deep investment in recognizing how extensively the experiences of parents, particularly negative experiences, can be passed on to their children and subsequently their children can pass them on again. The more I make myself aware of this element of life the more I expose myself to the infinite burdens people are forced to carry through no fault of their own that are seldom acknowledged by others. I can’t help, but feel more passionate about Rises’ efforts to limit the cycle of violence over Family Planning’s mission. 

It’s also important to me that Rise’s method of treatment was designed to ensure the most effective results. I know some people were skeptical in class in terms of how good the Write it Out Program will be at combating domestic abuse and I understand that. However, research has verified that one of the biggest predictors of success for children who grow up with domestic abuse in the home is forming a supportive relationship with the non abusive parent. This relationship can be crucial to whether the child can adjust as they grow up, in spite of their adverse childhood experiences. Many of these children will develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but maintaining communication with the parent about this and incorporating them into the healing process can decrease symptoms of PTSD. This process is so rarely executed, but research has shown it can go a long way in stopping the cycle of abuse, so Rise’s implementation of it is a really good indicator of their capability. 

Ultimately, I think both Family Planning and Rise are invaluable components of the community that are providing vital services. Regardless of what organization won the funding it would have contributed to an amazing cause that would utilize it to execute the most good. Though from my perspective, I am appreciative the choice was made to give it to Rise, where I feel it can make large repairs on the Binghamton community and on households that have been cycling violence and trauma through several generations. To conclude this post, I wanted to share a poem that was written by a boy who grew up witnessing domestic abuse in his home. 

Violence breeds in secret corners

fuelled by silent screams.

Traumatized women give birth to

traumatized children

who grow into traumatized adults.

Violence lurks in the dark recesses

waiting like a thief in the night

for the right moment

to assert his dominance.

A woman screams,

blood runs down her face,

she is out of her mind with terror

while the frozen children look on.

Violence leaves a legacy;

an inheritance of hate and fear

which impregnate and infiltrate

the mind and being of the generation to come.

When will it stop?

With me?

With my children’s children?

Or will it go on generation after generation? (Dale, 2013, p. 53).

References

Dale, S. (2014). The Secret Keepers: Narratives Exploring the Inter and Transgenerational Effects of Childhood Sexual Abuse and Violence. Cambridge Scholars Publishing.

Danieli, Y. (Ed.). (1998). International handbook of multigenerational legacies of trauma. Springer Science & Business Media.

Insetta, E. R., Akers, A. Y., Miller, E., Yonas, M. A., Burke, J. G., Hintz, L., & Chang, J. C. (2015). Intimate partner violence victims as mothers: Their messages and strategies for communicating with children to break the cycle of violence. Journal of interpersonal violence, 30(4), 703-724.

~Danielle Stern